Wilderness Within Podcast
Wilderness Within is a creative project born out of Subtledream Productions, and it lives in a different register to the client work. Where Subtledream is storytelling in service of organisations and causes, and Letters at Dawn is where I write from my own lived experience, Wilderness Within is something more personal still: long conversations with people I love and admire, recorded as a document of who we all were at that particular moment in time.Each episode is a deep dive with a friend, a fellow traveller, or someone whose way of moving through the world has left a mark on me. We talk about devotion, failure, belonging, craft, grief, wildness, and what it actually takes to live a life that means something. No sponsors, no agenda. Just two people going somewhere real together.The podcast is funded entirely by supporters on Patreon (and now, Letters at Dawn too), which keeps it ad-free and honest.
The Backstory
The seed was planted around a campfire outside Los Angeles in 2021. I had been publishing my newsletter for several months by then, and it had already opened something up: the feedback, the conversations rekindled or begun fresh, the sense that longer-form, values-driven writing could reach people in ways that social media simply could not. That felt like a good beginning. But I kept asking myself the same question: how do I go even deeper?
Sitting with that question by the fire, feeding it fresh logs through the night, something became obvious. The people I most wanted to learn from were already in my life. Friends who had built earth schools in Nepal, raised children in the mountains, left behind careers to follow a thread that felt true. I did not need to go looking for extraordinary humans. I was surrounded by them. By dawn the shape of it was clear: long conversations with friends, recorded as a kind of audio photograph of where we each were at that moment in life.
The name Wilderness Within (WW) came through conversations with friends in late 2021. It felt right immediately, the way Subtledream had when it found me years before. In the final hours of that year I sent out the first round of invitations, and the first three conversations were recorded in early 2022 on the coast of southern México and in the hills of coastal Ecuador. A fitting beginning for a project rooted in a global network of wanderers and makers and people quietly devoted to something larger than themselves.
What sets this apart from other podcasts is simple: every guest is someone I have a direct connection with. That changes everything about how the conversation moves.
Seventeen episodes recorded. Eighteen unique humans. Guests coming from Aotearoa, Australia, and North America, including a regenerative agriculture pioneer in Montana, an engineer-turned-conservationist in the Rockies, homestead growers and hunters in Amish country, an early childhood educator in Ōtautahi, a grief doula and somatic community weaver in New Mexico, an indie musician singing of love and harmony with the natural world in Oregon, and a beloved elder and global traveller who has called Feathered Pipe Ranch home for decades. The conversations keep finding new territory.
Subscribe on your favourite platform or follow along at Patreon (soon to be moved entirely to Substack) for extended video versions and behind-the-scenes access.
In the pilot episode-trailer, I share the "ah-ha" moment during a camping trip outside of Los Angeles in California, and the months and years that followed of its shaping and materialization.
Tune in: YouTube, RSS, iHeartRadio, Deezer, Pandora, TuneIn, Apple Podcast, Listen Notes, Spotify (no longer due to this)
A big thank you for the ongoing contributions of my patreon supporters, Substack subscribers, and big shoutout to Scout Rockwell + Carlos Militante - music producers for WW - in making this project possible. Every month, I redirect ~10% of my Patreon earnings to charities, changemakers, indie content creators such as FixTheNews, HappenFilms, The Wild with Chris Morgan, and The Emerald Podcast that in my opinion contribute to a more beautiful world and rebuild the connections between each other as well as with ourselves. Follow: Instagram @wildernesswithinpod
Andy Vantrease
On Following Your Heart,
Work as Devotion & the Cyclic Nature of Everything (WW 08)
Andy and I were housemates on the Oaxacan coast in early 2023. We'd wake up, walk to morning meditations at a local centre, drift down to the beach, cook together, and marvel at the plants and wildlife around our tropical setting. It was one of those rare pockets of life where everything seemed to slow down just enough to actually feel it.
Andy Vantrease is a writer, storyteller, and women's coach who has spent nearly two decades honing a craft that, on the surface, looks like writing or interviewing, but underneath is really about creating the conditions for people to be truly heard. From freelance journalism to producing the Dandelion Effect Podcast at Feathered Pipe Ranch in Montana, to one-on-one story mapping sessions, to facilitating circles for nurses in California, her work kept finding new forms while staying rooted in the same thread: helping people see their own magic. Since we recorded that conversation, Andy’s path has taken another turn. She now works specifically with women, educating on menstrual health, cycle wisdom and female body literacy. She is a student of the Blood Mysteries School and holds classes, circles and private sessions that help women come home to their bodies and understand the power of their biological design.
So while what you’ll hear is Andy as she was in January 2023, the roots of everything she's moved toward since are all here, present and growing. We talk about what it means to build a creative livelihood without being trapped inside a label. The difference between a side gig and a calling, and the slow, unglamorous process of learning to price yourself as a whole person rather than just a finished product. The cyclic nature of life and how things, projects, relationships and chapters all want to die so something new can grow. Seva, selfless service, and why Andy isn't convinced she believes in it anymore. Through an NGO in rural Nepal where we first met, we also dove into what it taught us about reciprocity, sustainability, and the real cost of burning out in the name of devotion.
Love you, Andy! <3
Follow Andy and her work via: https://andyvantrease.com/
Alyson Noele Sagala
Making Meaning and Letting Go as a Creator (WW 07)
"Living with openness isn’t easy, but it’s the only way I feel truly connected."
In this intimate, firelit conversation recorded in the oak woodlands of Mendocino, I sit down with someone who has long felt like a little sister to me - Alyson. We’ve shared many chapters over the years, from our time living and working in Nepal to weaving our own creative paths through life. What we spoke about in 2023 still holds weight today, perhaps even more so in this ever-accelerating world.
Together, we unpack themes of identity, ego, creativity, and care. Alyson reflects on growing up Filipino-American in San Jose, California, finding healing through gardening and natural dyeing, and wrestling with the writer’s journey - the guilt, the fixation, the fear. We talk candidly about the shadow side of service, and the ever-present tug between doing what we love and doing what we think will make us lovable.
This episode is a heartfelt tribute to the cycles we move through - in art, in life, in healing. It's a timestamp of where we were, and a torchlight for the path still unfolding.
Patreon supporters get access to the special fireside video & extended version!
Scott Hanson
Becoming the Man, Husband,
and Father He Had Journaled About (WW 06)
"It’s no longer getting healthy because I should. It’s getting healthy because I’m trying to become fit for fatherhood - physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally."
In this heartfelt catch-up, I sat down with my dear friend and brother, Scott Hanson - a man whose life story reminds me (and all of us) what happens when you listen to your gut, surrender to change, and build a life of intentional service and community.
Scott and I rewinded the tape all the way back to where it began: the mountains of Nepal eight years ago, swinging hammers, sharing tea, and learning the quiet power of living and working in true community. From there, our paths kept crossing: weddings, big moves, late-night conversations, and, on this day, a milestone moment - we recorded this just after his baby shower for twins (!) in Albuquerque, New Mexico in 2023.
This episode celebrates a friendship rooted in adventure, honesty, and mutual witness; the tender power of becoming a father - and how it pushes a man to grow up again and again; Scott’s reflections on leaving behind old habits, building new ones (think: haikus); the sacred role of community, especially in the western world where isolation can feel all too normal; his commitment to raising kids in a world with more connection, care, and good mischief.
We laughed, we teared up, we time-traveled through Scott’s memories - from engineering "empty buildings" in the California Bay Area to building schools & community in Nepal, and now a family rooted in ancestral soil.
I have witnessed Scott become the man, husband, and father he had journaled about.
Look for Scott under Scout Rockwell on your fav music streaming platform - half of the Wilderness Within soundtrack has his fingerprints all over them. And, @scout.rockwell on Insta.
Kai J. Lee
Becoming the Storyteller:
A Walk Through Truth, Grief, and Gratitude (WW 05)
In this deeply personal solo episode, yours truly, Kai J., return to one of the lands that raised me - Los Angeles - to walk, reflect, and speak aloud the truths that have shaped my latest chapter. Through spontaneous storytelling on the trail, I explore what it means to finally meet the hero I've been searching for: myself. From honouring ancestral roots and interviewing my parents on camera for the first time, to shedding victimhood and stepping into authorship of my own life story, this is an intimate meditation on privilege, presence, and the power of becoming our own witness. Blending ancestral reverence with humble awe for modern miracles, I invite all listeners into a moment of grounded gratitude and radical self-honesty. This episode is a reminder that storytelling isn’t just for others - it’s for the future self, too. Whether we're in transition, healing family dynamics, or redefining our own path, this episode holds space for the question: What story are we here to tell - and are we brave enough to be its protagonist?
I created this exclusive video version featuring footage from the walk & talk, as well as photos + additional commentary for Patreon supporters :
Stream, subscribe, tune into the rest
Spotify (no longer due to this)
Instagram @wildernesswithinpod
for bonus videos + exclusives, behind the scenes: Patreon
The Unfolding
We’re currently in production mode. 17 episodes with 18 unique humans have been recorded, with the latest guests (and guests-to-be) in Aotearoa New Zealand and Australia. Subscribe to my newsletter or directly to Wilderness Within on your favourite streaming service to stay informed.
WW is fueled by my own curiosity, desire to connect with friends deeper through hearing their stories and inner worlds, and is funded primarily by my supportive patreon community, who pitch in monthly or on an annual basis. This helps to keep the podcast ad-free (a rarity these days!) and makes my life better in all the ways. I am very grateful for all the supporters past, present, and future.
Mauri ora - to well-being and the living essence in us all.
- Kai
Let’s Work Together
