More desert magic

On a roll now, don't ya think? 😉

This is what I would call desert glow. Spring bloom. Super bloom. Mega bloom. Or mega glow, spring glow? Alright, I don't actually have a name set, but WILL YOU JUST LOOK AT THAT?

Nature never ceases to amaze in its creation and beauty. The flowers in the first photo are called lupens. To my knowledge, they are one of the first blossoms in the spring and they are nitrogen fixers. They intake nitrogen from the atmosphere - and most of our atmosphere is nitrogen - and pump it through their leaves, plant body, and into the ground. The nitrogen is made bio-available for other microorganisms and plants to utilize for their cellular magic-growth. In the spring, as the temperature warms and the conditions become conducive to sprouting or regrowth, this nitrogen, along with carbon, phosphorus (and other trace minerals too), and water, allow plants to do their thing.

Lupens only hang around for around 3-4 months from my observation. They come first and die first, but they give other plants and living beings what they need to thrive. Seeing them in the desert helped remind me the resilience and cyclical regeneration of plants and all the living systems that sustain our earth, and us.

Do swipe through, because there are 2 more accompanying desert glow captures. Oh I love these.

So this glow that got me to write in caps - I woke up at the crack of dawn to witness and capture these scenes. I had slept in my car the night before because of the semi-crazy winds and desert rains. Some people may think this is rough. However, consider this - I rolled out of my vehicle and walked across the meadow in absolute peaceful silence except for the first song birds. I'd consider that my commute. At this moment for me, this is the free and unattached life I wouldn't really trade much for. Well, perhaps a tiny house in the woods, next to a river, with a little garden, within a community. One can dream (and take action towards that reality).

Reawakening

"We are the low tide as well as the high. When bones and broken bottles appear. Small creatures die in the sun and shrinking puddles.

Between the tides shifting from low to high or high to low, the apogee on either side, is called a slack tide.

Those bones and bottles aren’t going to just go away.

But ask yourself. When is your favorite time to go to the beach? Low tide eh. When the hidden becomes apparent. When we can observe and wonder at the wrack and wreck of all the evolution that happens on the edge of things.

There is beauty in destruction, death, detritus, and chaos. Entropy is the other apogee of order. The most powerful people I know can embrace the range of existence. From rage storm and wildfire, to the small patterns in the sand.

You, my amazing friend, embody both the body, ocean, and vessel, earth, and the tidal interplay between. I see it in your work. And I see it in your heart! Have faith brother, in the process and in yourself. I do in you :)"

Huge, immense gratitude to my brother Brian Hasabe for these poetic, elegant, and profound words.

I've rediscovered the fire within myself. 🔥I'm on my way to being in the groove. This desert trip was everything I needed and didn't know I needed. I've been posting heaps to Stories but will continue to write & record more. I've realized more and more how many friends, acquaintances, and even strangers understand the feeling so well themselves.

Perhaps my little contribution back is to help others through what was a newer experience (of temporary depression, helplessness, and utter lack of motivation to accomplish almost anything) for me.

Here's a first set of stills of the snippets of the spring bloom magic out in the desert as well as the beautiful geology with none but my very own best company, and... a bunch of cameras. Nature and exploration are some powerful medicine.

Much love and appreciation for so many of your words and immense support in all forms. You've helped me back up. 🙏🏽 Onwards to all that I've been wanting to create and share with you all.

Baja

I'm in México. To be precise, the bottom tip of California.

This is Eliu. He picked me up from the airport. Eliu is originally from Mexico City. He liked it there quite a lot, he tells me. He spoke of the diversity of people and cultures there, of the arts, the foods, how alive everything is. He laughed and then added "if you like traffic too." Eliu left a number of years ago (exactly how many slips my memory), and thinks that it's too hot here in Baja, but ultimately believes it's a nice place to live with clean air, nice environment, relaxed vibes, a good job that pays him well and raise his 2 kids with his wife.

I joked with him that 2 is plenty, as they are quite expensive. He laughed and agreed. We then laughed about his uncle who's lived in Los Angeles for 40 years and still speaks not a word of English because he lives in a neighborhood where everyone speaks Spanish. When I asked him if he has an interest in visiting him, Eliu said no. He seems content with his life here.

We talked nearly continuously for most of the drive to the town center. My brain got to exercise a part of its memory that hasn't been activated in a while. Speaking a language you haven't yet mastered requires a heightened level of focus that also puts me into a state of appreciation. In this case, I most definitely appreciated Eliu's slowing down his speech and using simple words to convey his thoughts. I appreciate the ability to connect with another human who's doing what he can to create comfort and happiness for him and his family. I appreciate that he's the first Mexican in Mexico that I got to chat with, because I gotta say - the narrative that much of society in the U.S. paints is not a relatable, working young father like Eliu.

I was really struck by these mountains when we drove out of the airport. Gorgeous ridge lines. I'm glad I caught the moment Eliu pointed at them to tell me about them. I didn't take this with a fancy camera. If you've gotten this far, it's because the story held your attention. And for me, this photo will always jog my memory to that car ride towards the late afternoon sun, realizing again how much us humans have in common rather than different.

Stories like this are made possible thanks to my patrons-supporters on Patreon, a platform that allows content creators like me to get financially supported. You get more perks than simply ensuring that content like this continue to be made and shows up on your newsfeed - head to www.patreon.com/subtledream to find out more. :)

Some words as 2018 wraps up.

Every now and then I'd get a notification from Google Photos or Facebook showing me a moment from X years ago, and more often than not it's a (hugely) pleasant surprise. They represent so much more than simply the where/who/what. They also bring back memories, emotions, sensations not depicted in the pixels. It's one of the reasons why I love my work so much. I get to observe, (sometimes facilitate), capture, and preserve these memories that could last forever.

2018 has been a tremendous year once more for me. One of incredible growth and expansion. I spent much time being in and exploring a few new places, made some really radical new friends, made peace with people I had disagreements with, made mistakes, failed and rebounded, made and rescued quite a lot of food, discovered and tried new things, had very little diarrhea, and rekindled a number of old connections as well as reconnecting with family.

Sometime in mid 2017 I committed myself to take photography and videography full-on and sustain myself with my craft. I had spent the summer doing a complete makeover of my website, and putting it out there that here I am, a poor artist with bright eyes, able hands, and open mind, ready to attract more than just a financial means of livelihood. Not long after I had finished revamping the site, I landed in New Zealand.

Just over a year ago at a solstice/holidays gathering in Christchurch, I remember being surrounded by a group of friends and stating my intention to continue to attract the good work and financial abundance for the incoming year. I wanted to not only have the passion, but capital too. There's been this mindset of scarcity that I feel has kept me from reaching my full potential. I welcomed the challenges that come with the commitment. I've devoted myself to my craft, and am happy to say that though there are slumps and unmotivated days, each week overall I DO feel closer to my vision of what a life of abundance could look and feel like.

New Zealand was in countless ways multiple lessons that keep teaching, a land that has kept giving, an incubator for new ideas to be born and explored, and a meeting point for all the teachers I came across. While I don't believe I had taken full advantage of my time there, but that in itself is a lesson that will keep paying dividends. Aotearoa-New Zealand, you are truly a wonderful place. I long to return.

I am grateful for many things, but most importantly are the humans. I have gratitude for Peter in getting me down under in the first place, Erica and Preston in their friendship and immense drive that made me run harder faster stronger while remembering to slow down and have fun, Kit for your openness and hospitality in your home, the whole Ministry of Awesome team in putting up with me at your coworking space, Michael Reynolds in being an all-star human, friend, and collaborator, Franca for your beauty, patience, and honesty, AJ & Allison in being absolute gems of humans and deep discussions that really move me cosmically, the Guido-Henry-Milena trio for our short but truly memorable time together AND in rescuing me in the final hours in NZ. Rieki in his visionary projections on what our future could be, and acting upon it.

I am forever grateful to Sue & Tony Angles for their love and hospitality in Sydney, for the Enspiral and Digital Storytellers team to have showed me what immense power we hold when we run for-purpose instead of for-profit. For Zana and her family in hosting me in Byron Bay, Ibaia on the Gold Coast, all whilst I was working on the launch of my Patreon.

Gratitude also to Utsav in being a teacher, friend, and host in Kolkata, Kristine who put me up (and put up with me) throughout Vietnam, Carina in traveling with me in Sikkim, and my friends-"clients" Elizabeth & Anup, Christina & Kevin for your truly wonderful weddings that brought me (back) to places I really enjoy to do what I really like - capturing moments while making a living out of it. It's pretty rad.

Beyond grateful for Conscious Impact, and every human that's taken part in its creation and ongoing devotions to the land and one another. Returning to the Himalayas this year was invigorating for deeper parts of my soul. A piece of my heart is always there, awaiting its missing pieces for a reunion.

Deeply thankful for friends and communities back on the west coast of the US & Canada. California, Oregon, Washington, British Columbia, thank you for (re)inviting me back and welcoming me always. I feel at home here.

And especially for the Seattle/Beacon Food Forest crew - wow. Nothing but love. Michael Guenther, Caroline, Allen, Steph, y'all are just wonderful.

And to my father, my sisters, their spouses, nephews, and of course, my mother - oh my brave, strong mother - here I am, because of them, typing this unexpectedly in California while looking out the window of the last morning of yet another momentous year.

Onwards!

Lately...

Lately I've been time traveling, a lot. As I go through years of old photos, each one has lit up a different part of my memory, bringing back flashes of sensations stored in my brain and throughout my body. Truly quite the wonderful experience.

Unearthing gems like this always puts a big fat smile on my face. This was from the Avenue of the Giants where some of the tallest trees in the world reside. In my previous time there, I rode through those stunning redwoods on my bicycle. This third time was just as sensational.

But where do I even begin with this moment? Rewind a week and I'd have found myself making a last-minute purchase in Seattle of my friend's vehicle as she and her partner were swiftly preparing to go overseas for a new job. I then made a post of Craigslist to find rideshare companions, and within days departed with a packed car headed south - with Danny from Puerto Rico (left) and a black labrador who needed to be transported to his other 'parent' down the Willamette Valley. We drove into a wall of smoke as we got deeper into Oregon. Just like this year, the (wild)fires started early and raged across thousands of acres. In Northern California the visibility and air quality were so poor we weren't sure if it was even safe to be outside for more than a few minutes.

I had heard from the grapevine (Insta) that a couple old friends were camping at Mt Shasta, so we (just Danny & I now) joined them. Unexpectedly, we escaped the smoke purely by being high enough in elevation at the base of Shasta. The air was pure delight to breath again. We spent 2 mindblowingly beautiful nights just below this magical mountain (if you haven't been I strongly recommend a visit in this lifetime) with a crew of ubër chill, artistic, and musical talents - friends and their friends from all over - including Alex (right) + Kate (center).

Most of the time, we dangled out of the windows with our mouths wide open, cruising slowly down the Avenue of the Giants - so appropriately named - and it was especially delightful for me as I had the realization that it was these three's very first time being amongst the grandmother trees. 🌲 #subtledream

2017.

How the heck does one choose 12 photos out of more than 10,000 stills taken this year alone? 

In these last hours of 2017 (lost 7 hours 15 minutes, thanks to starting the year in Nepal and ending it in New Zealand), waves of memories and emotions (re)form and crash in the ocean of my mind. Last evening the idea of creating a 12-month collage of the "highlights" of the year came up. I used to do this, but it has been a couple years since. 10,000+ stills is the number my photo catalog tells me after all the organizing, deleting, merging, blending, etc. That number does not include stills taken for time-lapses (add tens, perhaps hundreds of thousands (one of my cameras is taking a time-lapse RIGHT now, of caterpillars morphing into chrysalis(!))) and videos (add several thousand there). It would seem as though I am addicted to capturing everything in life, though no amount of data can truly, fully encapsulate the entirety of human experiences I have had the opportunities and privileges to enjoy and go through, both the highs and lows. 

The themes this year looking back are (re)growth, connections, and purpose. I am gonna (kinda) quickly run through the year with what happened. Ready set go.

January 1st kicked off in my tent in the village of Takure in Nepal, where Conscious Impact has been living and operating since August 2015 to rebuild earthquake-destroyed homes and other buildings alongside local community members and global volunteers (Image 1). I suppose that was my 4th time back with the crew, working tirelessly nearly everyday to make and transport compressed earth bricks (Image 2), utilizing other earth-based building techniques such as rammed earth and earthbags to build structures, co-living and co-creating with dozens of other selfless volunteers from around the globe, as well as documenting in stills and videos the progress, the beauty, and the smiles of the humans involved with this magical journey. We live humbly as the locals do, exposed to the elements and embracing whatever Pachamama gifts us everyday. There is often music, tea, art, dance, songs, (Nepali & Tibetan) festivals, yoga, meditation, quality conversations, relaxation, and a fair bit of sweat too. I absolutely loved it. 

My trips to Nepal have been made possible thanks to family and friends who had donated to my crowdfunding campaigns back in 2015 and 2016, so I'll always have them to thank!

Between March and April, I had the chance to embark on a long trek in the Khumbu/Everest region, and walked-explored-marveled along this world-famous walk over the course of 27 days (Image 3). The elevation varied from a hair under 1500 to over 5550 meters. I remember hearing a friend say that the amount of elevation change throughout the trek would be like ascending and descending Everest nearly twice over. Bonkers. This was both a big challenge and a joy - physically as well as mentally.

Later in April and the first half of May was spent back with the Conscious Impact crew. Together we were able to wrap up our very first earthbag house (Image 4) for a widowed mother and her children before the very, very wet monsoon season sets in. We saw the completion and painting of the rammed earth building that we had started in January, and the construction of an orphanage housing kids whose parents were killed in the 2015 earthquakes was underway. The team and I filmed and launched a fundraiser to expand our sustainable agriculture program, and we had an extraordinarily diverse set of volunteers come through in the last couple months of "camp" (what we generally refer to as the Conscious Impact volunteer camp) (Image 5). 

And thanks to a number of these global connections, I decided to take on some of these invitations I've received to visit friends in new places. In mid-May I left Nepal as the monsoon rains were really setting in (an early year), and went through Dubai, followed by Israel, before spending 3 weeks throughout western Europe.

In Dubai I was hosted by an awesome Couchsurfing host Niraj. In Israel, I was received by so many familiar and lovely faces of characters met through Conscious Impact ("CI" from here forward) + traveling in India and Thailand in 2016. Thanks for a lovely time, Nitzan, Ben, Laor, Neta, and Zvika. I also got to explore a tiny bit on my own in Israel and got to walk through and soak in the smells and sounds of the old city in Jerusalem, took a dip in the Dead Sea, and hitchhiked with Ibaia (partially) out of there. My first destination in Europe (ever!) was Madrid. I had a lovely time with my architect/Conscious Impact volunteer friend Laura, and wrapped it up with a quick and fun reunion with a traveling friend Hudson from India last year. Barcelona was next - hung out/stayed with friends from India, CI, as well as Seattle - Elsa, Alexandra, Lili, Margaret. Those beaches! Thanks to Couchsurfing too I met with some radical (transplanted) locals running a bar and create a community lunch weekly out of food waste that's run by donations. Paris - cycling all around the city, crashed with 2 old CI friends Boyan + Inkeltje and caught up with my Chilean friend Santiago but we cross paths with in Panama all the way in 2009(!). And yes, that's acro yoga under the effel tower (Image 6). That's what's up. Manchester - kicked it with Graham, my photog buddy/brother from another mother and his local friends. Bath - stayed with my aunt Jackie, uncle Kori, and cousin Kevin from Hong Kong while catching up with my Argentinean amiga Ariadna met through - yes you guessed it - CI. London - lovely weather (what!?), lots of biking both in the city and in the countryside, and more CI reunions and hanging out with the likes of Sonya, Alastair, and Mark. Brussels - beer, fries, desserts, and quiz night with my traveling companion Emmanuelle from Ladakh, India, from last year. Amsterdam - of course I biked all around this flat and awesome city! Big thanks to Shama for the lovely company. Caught up with my old high school buddy Charles, too. Nijmegen for a quick lunch-reunion with Evita, then Horst with Micky on his family's asparagus farm + full-spandex cycling (in the summer rain). I hadn't seen him since my bike tour trip in 2013! Finally, Berlin with the one and only Ivona and her adorable pup Kazzie. A nice beer and chat with Dino, too. Last but certainly but least, quick appearance and hang out sesh with Ellen right before departure. What a radical, cool city, Berlin. This was a teaser in all of these places at best. 3 weeks in western Europe was far, far too short. 

Home with family by late June. Rainbow gathering and road trip with an entourage of CI friends and extended family (way too many to tag - you guys know who you are!). Back to Seattle/Pacific Northwest. Reunited with good friends, and in particular, meeting Caroline and Michael's kiddo for the first time (Image 7). Much time in the mountains, in nature - thanks Evan for hanging. Worked on the complete redesign of my site throughout July and August. Much time with Glenn, Denise, Julia, and Jackie plus others from the Beacon Food Forest. Absolutely loved that. Reconnecting with friends and community was so good. Southbound road trip with a spontaneous vehicle that fell into my life. Craigslist friends, old friends, epic camping under Mt. Shasta and in the redwoods, and before hopping over to the east coast, a beautiful gathering and retreat with the CI crew in Sebastapol, California. Plus, Allen's birthday. As always too, gratitude to Orion, Beth, Mariana, Satwika, and Greg for being the main pillars of support especially for Season 3 being on the ground 100%.

East coast is because of that gorgeous wedding that you may have seen some photos of (Image 8). 2 years in the planning and it happened. The weather couldn't have been more perfect, and an awesome reunion of old friends from Honduras, Ghana, and various parts of the US. Massive shoutout and congrats to the couple Jennifer and Tom who made this all possible for me and everyone else. 

Wrapped up that remaining road trip down California to be with the fam bam before taking off on a new life chapter. Nephew time, cycling with the kiddie trailer, playground time, and of course family portraits ensured (Image 9).

BTW, kinda cheated with September, because really I am using 3 photos from that month haha! That month was epic on unparalleled proportions - the road trip, the flying, the wedding, New York City!, unpack everything, repack everything, then moving my life to New Zealand with (yet another) one-way ticket. I presented 20 images as a glimpse of my life in front of a crowd of 500 within the first day of arriving (Image 10 - thanks Jonny!), and continued the rolling snowball by attending the Social Enterprise World Forum to jumpstart connections and appreciation for local knowledge and culture. I've been mostly in the same city since. Shoutout to Peter for kinda dragging me down under. October and November (Image 11) was mostly about creating and cultivating these new connections to make my new life chapter thrive in a way I have never experienced before. I have been blessed with support and love from new friends throughout Christchurch, NZ, and beyond. Massive thanks to Erica and Preston for having been pivotal in thse past few months. New projects, new learning experiences, new challenges, and new growth. There has never been a moment of boredom or stagnation. I am also starting to venture out and explore more of the south island in good company (Image 12), and sometimes happily on my own. Earlier in December I had the awesome chance to hop over to Australia. What a great little visit. Catching up with friends, quality conversations, avoiding poisonous things that could kill me, dumpster diving, and reuniting with my grandaunt and uncle who I hadn't seen for 22 years! 

I can't tag enough people in this post, because truly a countless number of individuals made this year possible and extremely memorable. All I wish to say to all of you is thank you - for your presence, your lessons, your challenges, your smile, your encouragement, your support, and your contributions to the world. 

The cold and sore throat I've been recovering from since before Christmas has really been a blessing, too, as it was given me the perfect reminder and reason to stay put (finally) and simply rest, reflect, and process this momentous year that is 2017 and commence a new rotation around the sun healthy, healed, and with a bang. Watch out, I have big plans for you, 2018!

Words-thoughts through a rough patch

It's incredible how easily our emotions can get turned upside down simply by a few words from the right individual. 
I've been, for the most part, riding on a high since landing in New Zealand 46 days ago. From reuniting with old friends, speaking for the first time in front of an audience of 500, attending an immensely inspirational conference of change makers, meeting heaps of new friends and making professional contacts, living and working in a new environment, exploring the wide open spaces and all the nooks and crannies in between, to reaffirming my own purpose and value in life -- this past month and a half has been enjoyable as well as enlightening.
I don't believe many people, including my friends and family members, understand why I do what I do and the unique rewards plus challenges that this lifestyle brings. For starters, it's easy to romanticize my travels as a never-ending fairytale of wanderlust and adventure. It's easy to look at my Instagram & Facebook feed and be "so jealous." It's easy to be mesmerized by the kaleidescope of colors, textures, foods, landscape, humans, sunsets, and moments of joy that I have meticulously captured and curated to organize, edit, caption, and share with you and the world wide web. That, my friends, is not the full picture. No one's social media accounts is ever the full picture. Anyone who thinks it's anywhere close completely undermines the platter of human emotions and spirit that makes life both challenging and endearing.
Like you, I sometimes-often struggle to get out of bed. I have had mornings, afternoons, and evenings where I sit there, with both palms of my hands in my face, thinking and feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders and in my heart (e.g. just now). Everyone's been there. I don't think I've been honest enough to myself to articulate and post those moments, too.

"... follow your dreams... But I do pray that you will settle down somewhere with a job/family one day."

The 'But' negates everything prior.

"... just something to make a decent living..."

Because I don't?
Because not having 5, 6, 7 digits in my bank account says I am not successful? Because my conscious decision not to hold down a regular job while putting down a mortgage to pursuit some rotten fantasy capitalistic societal propaganda "American Dream" makes me any less valuable? Because I choose to put my own happiness and the greater good of humanity and the earth before my financial earnings prove that I am not worthy?
Don't slap your right hand with your left. Don't say "I am proud of you" when the next thing out of your mouth is "will you settle down." I can't take this contradicting bullshit. 
I've been working hard and living a decent life. I don't need $50,000+ USD/year to live "happily." Hell I don't even need $10,000 in most parts of the world. Don't and stop using the standards that have worked well for others on me. "Getting a job", "make more money", "settle down", and "have a family" are NOT things I have needed nor need at the moment. 
I was brought up to be a decent human being, and I've been living within the moral ethics that you and many teachers have instilled in me. I in turn have done what I could to spread that to more people I come across who are younger, around the same age, and even older. Isn't that enough? Why does my happiness, my lasting joy, need to conform to some guidelines of the past? Can you really believe that there is one road map in this quest of life? I am not drug dealing. I am not harming anybody. I choose work that fulfill and cultivate meaning and purpose. I choose to invest in knowledge and in learning from the world instead of financing a $60,000 vehicle. I choose to serve those in need while nurturing my evolving needs and interests. I have supportive friends who nurture my creativity and sense of curiosity. Most of them bring zero monetary value to my life, yet their presence, their lessons, and their companionship are invaluable. That is all I could really ask for. 
Do you know how hard it is to uphold this nomadic, creative life? Do you know how many moments I have to stand strong in the face of defeat, failure, and disappointments one after another while thousands of kilometers away from familiar faces and loved ones? Do you realize the difficulty and the sustained strength necessary to continue staying inspired and to inspire when the media splits out tragedy day in day out, when I am aware that the ice caps are rapidly melting, the carbon and sea levels are rising, the soil are eroding, the ecosystems are being destroyed, with species rapidly going extinct, that there is widespread injustice, fear, hunger, pain, suffering all across the world, and folks undervalue your work, never pay you, and some even ask you to work for free? Do you really know?

Don't say "proud" so casually anymore. It's like cry wolf. You say that, and say something else enough times, and I won't even believe it anymore.

Tomorrow is a new day. Onwards.